I've avoided making a post because I couldn't really add anything to what was posted already.
But it is time.
Yesterday, Marc (aka bootglove
) passed away.
At work, I don't have access to LJ, so I received a phone call from xanaducub
who had read mcfires
's post. He texted me first with "Call me." and unfortunately, right then, I knew there was only two things he'd be calling about. Either how to fix a macro in Office, or with bad news about Marc. I had hoped it was the first. It wasn't.
My work for the day was wrapping up so I didn't really have a chance to deal with the news while I was at work. I know I cried a bit. Remembering the good times, the bad times, and wishing there'd been more times in general. But trying to get things shut down and get out of there. I shipped off a note to both of my bosses telling them that whenever services are held, I'm going to be there. Driving for 8 hours to see him seems minor now, yet I wish I'd done it more.
You see, Marc was one of two people that I would call Sir "full time". For a period of time, I enjoyed being his boy, granted fairly remotely. I took a trip up to visit him, he took a trip down to visit me, I'd see him at Hibearnation, and that's how it went. A few years back, I stopped being his boy. Looking back, it was the right thing to do, but I regret how I did it. I think we'd patched things over over the past year and I was looking forward to seeing him again this HBN. I can still laugh that he was convinced I'd found another Sir, and I couldn't convince him otherwise.
He was one of the "Superfriends" here on LJ. Folks who know the extreme upsides and downsides of my life. My failures and triumphs. And he was supportive through it all.
When he received the diagnosis about his liver and he told me, I didn't think much of it. Keep in mind, my partner had a flesh-eating bacterium, and Marc had been in an out of the hospital times before, so it didn't worry me. Looking back, I can see it greatly worried him. I wish I'd noticed it then.
During HBN, when news of his hospitalization got to me, I again shrugged it off. It seemed inline with what had happened before. He'd be out within a few days and everything would be fine. But he didn't.
As a result, he was away from chatting and everything from him became second hand. I didn't call because I didn't want to be a burden by calling when he was asleep or whatever. I wish I had. I always assumed I had another shot to talk to him. You know what they say about assumptions...
Anyway, once I got home yesterday, I went through my pictures folders. Sadly, I didn't have a lot of him for a few years. I also couldn't find any of he and I. I know they exist. I know of one in particular of me at the bar in a collar and leash with him. He was proud of me that night, I was self conscious but went along. I wish I'd gotten copies of that picture, or had taken my camera then. (The one I had taken wasn't working properly.)
I found pictures he'd sent me when we first started talking 10 years ago. Somewhere I have a canceled plane ticket when I was to go up and visit him and Steve, which happened to be about the same time they broke up. He and I talked a lot... not enough.
Anyway, now I'm rambling. Among all those pictures, I did find one picture he posted on his LJ and I de/colorized for him to make it artsy which I know he liked, so I'm posting it here.
He will be deeply missed, probably by more people than he even realizes. I was telling friends here in St. Louis about his passing, folks I assumed didn't know him, and they commented that they knew him every year from HBN, and that they knew others who knew him, and so forth and so on.
Goodbye Sir. There's so much to say... and there was so much we didn't need to say. You are missed. And you will never be forgotten.
This weekend I'll dig out the boots you gave me, the gloves you gave me, the Harley shirt you gave me, and toss on my camo pants and leather vest and have a toast to you, Sir!